The Absurdities of Swinging: Chronicles of MFM Encounters

A Turkish suitor made the trek all the way from Odesa to Kyiv exclusively for a swing date with a couple. He had spent weeks texting, trying to anticipate their every desire. In words, at least. And then, ta-da! The big day arrived. That’s when fate played its first joke: out of all the cab drivers at the train station, he managed to pick the one who didn't know the city and drove him in the exact opposite direction. The couple—the intended recipients of this "gift"—had to track down their missing third and fish him out. They even arranged a place to stay for the guy, who could barely string two words together in the local language.

Then came the next oddity. The overseas guest completely failed to realize that he had just been cared for, that they had gone out of their way for his comfort and found him wherever his drunken cabbie had dumped him. Instead, he sat in the backseat of their car, pouting like a sullen schoolgirl. Not a single compliment crossed his lips.

"Why no flowers?" the girl asked.

"What, is it your birthday?"

The couple exchanged a bewildered glance.

"It’s customary to bring flowers on a date…"

"Next time," the 'macho' retorted haughtily.

"Are you short on cash?"

"I have money."

"Then there’s a kiosk right over there. Go buy a rose, or whatever you think is fitting. A girl wants flowers," his hosts coaxed, already realizing this whole endeavor was rapidly going up in smoke.

"I said, 'Next time.' Besides, you asked me to, and I don't do what I'm told!" Apparently, he thought this defiance made him look like a rugged alpha. In reality, he just looked like an obstinate fool refusing to fix a faux pas.

The girl smiled sweetly and sent him to wait in a nearby cafe. Her partner, a genuinely good-natured guy, texted the failed lover the address of the apartment they had arranged for him, and they simply drove off.

"You know he won't appreciate this. He's just going to get bitter, emotionally stunted as he is. You shouldn't have texted him at all. When he finally called, he’d realize he had overplayed his hand."

"I know you. You would’ve left him to sleep at the train station or just told him to take a hike and go fuck himself."

"Naturally. And I would’ve tipped off the cops about a suspicious individual—let him contemplate basic etiquette in a holding cell."

…No, he never did grasp the finer points of etiquette. He just got profoundly offended and repeatedly tried to get in touch to pick a fight.

The bottom line: the stingy guy had the miserable luck of wasting his travel money on an intercity trip only to spend the night jerking off alone in a sterile rental. And then—the journey home, burdened by a lingering sense of his own idiocy and irretrievably lost opportunities. All he had to do was act with a touch of class and reap the mutual pleasure. Skimping on flowers and compliments proved to be a highly questionable economy.

P.S. Our hero spent the next ten years trying to close this particular gestalt, writing once every year or two to the swingers who ditched him. And with every message, his addressees felt an ever-deepening satisfaction that they had made the right call.

Case Two: Latent Swinging and the Erection Check

During a preliminary meet-and-greet with a swinging couple, a prospective third participant turned out to be completely devoid of an erection. He explained this away with an absolute masterpiece in the genre of intimate quirks: it turned out he only participated in group action if his friend was there, because seeing his buddy's hard-on is what woke up his own. Without it, he claimed, he was "just too shy"…

All the while, he foamed at the mouth, screaming that he was strictly hetero, not bi. But here’s the catch: a straight guy doesn’t run around violently waving the "I’m not gay!" flag. Only a man deeply insecure about his own tastes feels the need to aggressively prove his exclusive traditionalism.

You can approach same-sex topics with humor, you can be indifferent to them, or you can simply not notice them. But a fiery, visceral denial is often the brightest neon sign pointing to a latent craving for a strong male... ahem... shoulder. Otherwise, the topic simply wouldn't come up.

Case Three: Champagne, Double Cunnilingus, and MFM

Spreading his arms, he could almost touch the opposite walls of the kitchen in that rented apartment... The guy wasn’t a giant; it was just that this "love lair," despite being in upscale Pechersk, was notoriously cramped.

And then came the ménage à trois. The girl, her man, and their guest. And something rather astonishing happened: for the first time, a stranger managed to bring her to an oral climax. Her man was kissing her neck, while the invited maestro of foreplay masterfully coaxed the spot down below with his tongue. This potent duet launched her to a dizzying peak.

It was a slight pity that "Mr. Lips" himself never quite reached the finish line. For some reason, he couldn't, despite maintaining excellent stamina throughout the entire erotic marathon. But it can be difficult with new people: some require an adjustment period. Others just "explode with joy" regardless of who is around.

By the way, this is the prequel to another video story of mine—the one where someone threw up champagne at the worst possible moment. But that moment of intense paired affection was absolutely sublime. I forgot to mention it back then.

A gag reflex during "deep lingual immersion" isn't inherently a problem—it’s actually a widespread fetish. There is even a niche genre in BDSM centered around intentionally swallowing too much liquid just to induce vomiting. To each their own.

But that evening, the participants hadn't put in an order for such specific predilections. Perhaps that is why a four-handed oral session left a far more indelible impression the next time around.

Video and photos by the author

Nelli Verkhovska PhD in Psychology For more on alternative relationships, check out my YouTube channel