Many believe that by pushing someone they no longer love to walk away first, they are doing them a favor. They start behaving poorly so the initiative to sever ties doesn't come from them. In doing so, they supposedly mask an actual "dismissal" from the relationship with the illusion that the ex-partner "resigned of their own accord."

Whether this road to emotional hell is paved with good intentions or simply stems from the cowardice of avoiding responsibility for the split is beside the point right now. What matters is the effect these actions produce.

The strategic plan of "hurting you so you'll dump me" can drag on for weeks, months, or even longer. Is it truly humane to torment someone for that long? Would you want to be treated the same way?

The memories of those final nightmarish months can haunt someone for years. By then, it no longer matters who disappeared first. Taking half an hour for an honest conversation is kinder, believe me.

There is a good timeline of relationships: infatuation (the hormonal "drug" lasting roughly 1.5 years), satiation, aversion, patience, respect, friendship, and only then—true love. Transitioning through these stages requires turning the previous page. Therefore, when a relationship starts to fracture, it is not necessarily the end, and fleeing is not always the answer. Sometimes, it is simply the beginning of a new stage.

It can be difficult to understand the difference; it is incredibly easy to mistake the stages of the journey for the finish line.

Let us be frank in our farewells, for honesty in relationships is an even rarer commodity.

Nelli Verkhovska PhD in Psychology For more on alternative relationships, check out my YouTube channel