How a Guy I Know Tried to Sound Younger

Dog people recognize each other by their dogs, their walking routes, and the time of day. Without our furry companions, we are total strangers. Even if I bump into the same husky owner four years in a row, there's no guarantee I'll recognize him in broad daylight, in a different neighborhood, and off-leash.

The same applies to age. When you’re blissfully sprinting somewhere, pulled along by a four-legged sail, you’re 17. When you’re striding into a high-stakes business meeting, you’re 40. And when you have to tackle a backlog of chores and shovel through the mental rubble, you feel every bit of 60.

After having a massive blowout during a late-night dog walk yesterday, I asked my sparring partner how old he was.

"The exact same age as you!" he barked back.

"I'm a good 20 years younger than you!" I growled, deciding to leave my "juvenile" debater all by his lonesome. After all, as an even younger and more innocent creature, it was way past my bedtime. It’s not like I went for a midnight run or anything.

Trying to shave years off your age at someone else's expense is a spectacular fail, especially when talking to women and dropping lines like: "At our age...", "Back in our day...", or "Kids these days...". It’s as if they’re forcing a status on me that I only plan to adopt in about 50 years. And not a second sooner.

The kicker is, this whining "grandpa" isn't even that old. He just let himself go—without physical activity, adults practically ossify. So, having mentally slapped an extra decade onto his own life, he decided to drag me down into the crypt with him?

Sure, there’s generational banter about this, like a husband in his 40s yelling "retiree" at his 25-year-old wife, and her shooting back that it's time to take their granddaughter to school. It's funny as a joke, but if he genuinely believes it...

Then you get these battalions of 60-something machos screaming desperately in forum comments that they retain their youth far better than women because, simply by virtue of being men, they allegedly age slower. Except that only applies to reproductive metrics. A 70-year-old geezer can still conceive, while a grandma can no longer get pregnant. But who in their right mind would want a baby with such a geriatric father, unless they're after his inheritance or a big name?

I guess it depends on what exactly makes a person turn gray. I, for one, am far too old to play nice with fools. What is the one thing you've managed to grow old in?

Nelli Verkhovska PhD in Psychology For more on alternative relationships, check out my YouTube channel