Nudists, Space Swings, and a Restroom

The sheer variety of dicks and balls I saw today was staggering. Sometimes, there were truly astonishing specimens... There were plenty of naked female bodies, too. Against this backdrop, it feels especially wonderful to know you're beautiful. And completely uninhibited—I lay there fully sprawled out, while so many others tensed up, hunching over to hide themselves.

No, this isn't a description of group sex. I was at the nudist beach in Hydropark. We were ferried there and back on a little boat. The ferryman had the exact vibe of a seasoned cabbie. Just on a river.

This place is highly therapeutic. If your self-esteem rides a rollercoaster because of your physical assets and flaws—go to a beach like this. It’s only on social media that we're all competing in a beauty pageant. In our natural state, it’s just reality. And it’s not scary—it’s hilarious! EVERYONE is flawed. EVERYONE. And when you see other people's imperfections, it's so much easier to forgive your own...

By the way, people without clothes seem far more alive and relatable. It evokes this lovely, warm feeling of openness.

Next, we hit an amusement ride called the Cosmic Swings. It spins its passengers at high speed, like the blades of a fan. Plus, the entire contraption swings back and forth.

Ahem. As someone who has skydived, I can confidently declare: this absolute madhouse is much more terrifying. At first, I was laughing with pure delight and screaming at the top of my lungs. But at some point, it got nasty. Not funny anymore, just purely terrifying.

Yeah, they strapped us in with chains and harnesses, which initially seemed like overkill. Oh, right! Suddenly, I was terrified they wouldn't be enough. And the carnie kid running the ride was going all out—thinking I’d gone quiet out of boredom, he cranked it up even faster. I had a lump in my throat and only one single emotion left: the desperate hope of making it out alive... I couldn't ask him to stop, because I knew I'd regret it later, and everyone would think I was a total wimp.

"Want to go faster?" he yelled up cheerfully from below.

Little pervert.

It felt exactly like having sex with a very strong, highly energetic, but hopelessly incompetent lover. He just rattles you around while you're lying there thinking, "When the hell is this going to end?" My hands were shaking afterward. Though at the very end, hanging upside down, I did burst out laughing. It's weird, but I’d probably do it again.

"I need the restroom," I told the security guard at the restaurant across the way.

A flash of fawning subservience crossed his eyes; he sprang into action and personally escorted me to the spot. A waitress swooped in, instantly flipping on the lights and throwing the doors wide open.

"Just how much does a coffee cost here?" I asked my date, after recounting this level of service practically unheard of in the post-Soviet world.

I would definitely go back to that restaurant. If only to use the bathroom like that again...

We also saw a disco for the over-60 crowd. Walked past it twice, and both times I wanted to sob. The elderly go there to meet people and escape their loneliness.

But some of them are still very much alive. This one bearded grandpa was dancing his heart out!

The most professional waltz! His partner was great too, but he was the one who truly stole the show... And when he spun her, she would rise up on her tiptoes.

Ghosts of a bygone century. There is nothing more important than connection and love. Than dances like these, just for the sake of a conversation and an embrace. Hydropark used to be a paradise for Soviet kids. It was so surreal walking through it as an adult. And terrifying! Because if we were kids once, and that time has passed, it means one day we might also end up at that over-60s disco...

So, we have to live right now. Love, play, fly, and absolutely devour life...

Nelli Verkhovska PhD in Psychology For more on alternative relationships, check out my YouTube channel